President Trump has surprised military strategists by declaring war on Antifa and the Grenadiers in the wake of rioting across the US.
“The Antifa, the Grenadiers – they’ve been radicalised,” said President Trump. “And they’re invading our cities and drawing penises on our statues. Small penises, very small. We’ve sent planes, war planes, to find their bases. Somewhere near Cuba, we think. They have nowhere to hide. We will crush their revolution.”
Sources close to the President claim he’s very cross he can’t find Antifa and the Grenadiers on any American Map, even after he’s turned it the right way around.
“Strategy-wise? Well, they’re smart, the Antifa. We’ve never had an enemy that can read before. But I saw one of them reading Animal Farm. We know what this means – they will try and use the actions of capitalist pigs to undermine societial order. I can’t tell you my plan. But let’s just say we’ll be having a lot of bacon in the next few weeks.”
Meanwhile, the small, peaceful populations of Antigua and Barbuda, and St Vincent and the Grenadines, have been urged to evacuate as a precaution.