Nation begins slow recovery from prolonged exposure to own children

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The Nation woke this morning with many facing a long road to recovery following a prolonged exposure to their children. Indeed, some with larger families will never recover from the day in day out, constant drumbeat of incessant questions, endless snack demands, the horror of homeschooling and monosyllabic grunt from behind a tablet.

“I can see a faint light at the end of tunnel but it seems so distant”, said Chloe Garner, 41, “As she dropped off her twin boys and older girl at the newly re-opened primary school. “I keep having flashbacks and hearing ‘Muuuummmmm’ in my head every 30 seconds. I mean if they can’t find it, why do they think I can? And lunch is either going to be pasta, chicken nuggets, fish fingers or sausages with some other shit that’s lying around the fridge so STOP FUCKING ASKING!” Mrs Garner broke off from the conversation and wandered away muttering to her self.

This parent’s experience is all too common as frazzled Mums and Dads around the country weep with relief as they hurriedly walk away from the nation’s primary schools. Their destination? Their house where they begin the daily tradition of opening the fridge and asking the question, for the 100th time this year, ‘is it too early to have a glass of wine?’

The nation’s answer is a collective ‘No, it’s not too early’, no matter what the time.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2020 by

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