There is alarm in some ministerial circles that the combined stress of the current crises coupled with a period of illness with the Coronavirus has changed the Prime Minister. Gone is the cheerful optimistic liar and in has come a more miserable and less certain liar. Pulled from both sides by those in Cabinet who want the lockdown lifted faster and those who believe it should continue longer, the Prime Minister has begun to seek advice from the Downing Street herb garden.
‘And why shouldn’t he,’ said one Downing Street insider, ‘I mean if you look at the Cabinet he put together, most of them are in a persistent vegetative state anyway.’
Professor Chris Whitty, the Government’s Chief Medical Officer, was also less surprised by Johnson’s new crop of advisors, ‘well he and Dominic Cummings have begun to push back a little on our advice over the last few weeks so this shouldn’t come as a surprise, and besides whenever he came to visit my department, he could never keep his hands off Rosemary.”
In a rare statement from Dominic Cummings, the Prime Minister’s Chief Advisor said, ‘Much as I don’t like speaking to you, and I really don’t, just occasionally I have to spell out some of the high concept out of the box, out of the current dimension, thinking that now goes on in Downing Street. Yes, the Prime Minister is talking to a selection of herbs carefully chosen by me for their ability to think outside the pot. Did you know, and I expect you didn’t as you media types only studied humanities at University unlike me who studied history, that herbs have helped man throughout the ages in all sorts of different ways. Now put that in your pipe and smoke it, which is what the Prime Minster will be doing this afternoon.