Donald Trump has insisted that he only visited the White House for a tiny, short, little period of time, and any suggestions that he is the President and should be leading and uniting a divided nation are fake news.
While admitting that he has been to the White House several times in the last three years, Trump claims it was all for inspections to see if he wanted to buy it to run as a hotel, or maybe convert to a golf course.
“The lamestream media want you to believe that there was an ‘election’ in 2016, that I was ‘elected’ to be President, and that all the bad things happening right now are at least partially my fault.” said the somehow still President.
“The only reason I’ve been to the White House was to look at buying it, because I’m so rich. Really rich. But the fake news media claim I’ve been running the country for three and a half years. It’s pathetic.”
Trump went on to say that President Obama needs to sort this mess out, and if he was President he would have soon cleared any rioting by sending in the military with tanks.
“And I would have driven one tank myself, right at the front, the best tank, and it would have had lasers and everything.” said the President, while waving his hands around and making “pew pew” noises.