Big Bread brutally stamping down on local breadmakers

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The surge in popularity of bread making for those in lockdown is well documented but reports are now coming in from all over the country of brutal beatings of local people who have been sharing their creations on Social Media. Evidence is pointing to the aggressors seemingly beings gangs representing “Big Bread” or the major manufacturers of bread such as Hovis, Kingsmill and Warburtons.

“I had just shared a rather lovely sourdough creation of mine on Instagram”, an anonymous man told us, “and I heard a knock at the door. I answered and three men burst in and punched me to the floor. Whilst I was down, they kicked and punched me. One of them ran into the kitchen and grabbed my loaf and pushed it violently into my face. He shouted, ‘you’ve had your fun now enough is enough. Anymore more bread baking and the Yorkshiremen will be back and won’t be so gentle next time.’ I was terrified.”

It seems this a sadly common story as we are hearing stories of beatings all up and down the country. ‘The Yorkshiremen’ is one of the gangs reportedly dishing out the beatings and we’ve also heard about “The Baker Boys”, “Yeasties” and chillingly “The Slicers”.

We tried to speak to Jonathon Warburton at his offices in Bolton but could only manage a shouted question at him as he was getting in a chauffeur driven Mercedes surrounded by security. He responded by shouting he knew nothing of the beatings but suggested that maybe the home baking craze should cease now as it would be a shame if everyone couldn’t enjoy their bread as it’s difficult to chew with no teeth.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2020 by

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