Price of scrap bronze will plummet if UK removes all its racist statues

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Protestors in Bristol have hurled a statue of Edward Colston into the sea, which is a slightly more dignified exit than he gave the 19,000 slaves he is estimated to have killed. Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of racist monuments in Britain; to dispose of them would turn the river Avon into a quarry.

Scrap metal merchants have predicted that the bronze market would be flooded by unwanted busts of hundreds of slave traders. In fact, the ratio of sculptures in the UK is predicted to be of 10% slave traders, 40% generic racists and the remaining 50% are all concrete nudes of Jim Davidson.

More than 100 country houses and estates were built with the £16.5bn compensation paid to British slave owners, as opposed to the £2.57 paid in compensation to the actual slaves. One such mansion is owned by Sir James Dyson, who would not want his racist home demolished – but would have no difficulty vacuuming up the rubble.

To delete the nation’s racist past, would mean erasing London, Glasgow and the whole back catalogue of ‘Little Britain’. One protestor explained: ‘We’re just focused on ancient racist millionaires, so Alan Sugar better watch out’.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2020 by

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