Matt Hancock has called out the coronavirus as a wimp, that should come over here if it thinks it is hard enough, it has been revealed.
The news comes just a day after the Health Secretary announced in the playground at first break that the virus was now clearly in retreat, and that it wasn’t laughing anymore was it, whilst doing an impression of a clucking chicken.
‘You and whose army?’, Hancock is thought to have said to the deadly virus before the start of school today, in front of some cool year 10 girls, as he tried to look as hard as possible with his mate Dommy Raab, in their Fila cagoules and Farahs.
‘Unfortunately this deadly virus pays no attention to military or fighting analogies, and definitely not playground-style banter‘, said one leading virologist today. ‘However, when I stood near Matt Hancock today, I could definitely smell something’, continued the virologist, sniffing with an exaggerated quizzical look on his face. ‘Horse? Dog? An it was definitely bullshit’