Government ministers have expressed dismay that Covid-19 is apparently resistant to even the best in political spin doctoring.
“Obviously there are many kinds of doctor”, said a spokesman. “PhDs, witch doctors, Doctor Who, and of course medical doctors, but only a fool would rely on any of these during a national fight for reputational survival.
“We rolled out our top spin doctors as soon as it became clear that a reputational crisis was underway. You’re welcome, Britain. But despite heroic efforts by Dom and his team the PR damage has been brutal. Also, some people have died. Sad face, etc”.
The virus has been underhand in its methods, continuing to scythe through the population despite some excellent newspaper headlines, quite a bit of applause on Thursdays and Laura Kuenssberg baking a cake for the Prime Minister instead of asking him some fecking questions.
The United Kingdom’s international reputation has slid steadily down the league tables, coming to rest somewhere between Albania and a skip filled with chlorinated chicken. Experts fear it will take years of blatant lies, Latin quips and sycophantic headlines to restore Britain’s capacity for self-delusion, though the new Bond movie should help.