The growing waiting list for spine donors

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The increasing problem of people and organisations urgently in need of a spine was highlighted today by cosmetics brand L’Oréal renewing their links with model Munroe Bergdorf, whom they sacked in 2017 following racist remarks she made on social media.

“We felt that in the light of… I mean, you have to consider…” stammered a spokesman for L’Oréal today. “Ah what the heck, we were losing business so we caved. It’s not like everyone doesn’t know that already.”

The spokesman was later fired for being useless, then immediately re-hired in case his sacking offended anyone.

Also desperately waiting for a spine donor is Hachette, the original publisher of Woody Allen’s recent memoir Apropos of Nothing, who backed out when Allen’s son (no, but seriously…) Ronan Farrow threatened to disassociate himself from them.

“We examined our consciences, sought guidance… and I’m not ashamed to admit, some of us even prayed. And finally the answer came. Which was that Ronan was probably going to write a lot more bestsellers over the years, so it would cost us a lot more money to lose his business than Woody’s.”

Both organisations declined our request for a comment, though L’Oréal did confirm they were changing their well-known slogan to “Because we’re spineless”.

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Posted: Jun 12th, 2020 by

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