Escalator Killer says he only does it to piss off the CSI


Crime Scene Investigators love their job, especially drawing chalk outlines around corpses.
“Some CSI’s use tape, I prefer the old ways” said Brad (real name Dave), a CSI in Wakefield. “It’s one of the iconic images in any murder investigation, it really brightens up my day”.

The so-called ‘escalator killer’ has spoiled the fun for CSI’s across Yorkshire by murdering people while they’re on a moving staircase, making an outline impossible. He is believed to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Yorkshire’s department stores, which he uses to good effect.

“We can still do lots of forensic science”, said Brad. “Especially the boring bits, like collecting up all the fluff and putting it into individual bags, but it’s no substitute for doing a lovely outline”.

In other news, CSI’s in Leeds have praised the Viagra Killer for making their job a lot more fun. “He kills them when they’re naked with a boner”, said Chad (real name also Dave). “I like to exaggerate the size of the victim’s erection. It’s an act of respect for the dead, really. If I get murdered I hope it’s the Viagra Killer and not that Escalator arsehole”.

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Posted: Jun 13th, 2020 by

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