Boris’ ‘Blunder Bus’ to tour the country

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Recognising the public’s difficulty in keeping up with the scatter gun approach of constantly changing government advice, PM Boris Johnson is to send a bus round Britain with a different cogent government message from Brexit and the coronavirus response painted on its side each day. Johnson confirmed the bus would be driven by the science, with Patrick Vallance and Chris Whitty working shifts. Messages will include:

£350m a week for the NHS
20,000 deaths will be a good result
42,000 dead (but only so far)
20,000 extra police (to replace the ones we cut)
50,000 new nurses (including the ones who are already working)
100,000 tests a day
200,000 tests a day
300,034,974,000 tests (but no IQ test for Home Secretary)
Stay at home, drink bleach and drop dead
Our apparent success
World beating app
Led by the science
Barnard Castle for eye tests
We won’t go non-Dom
Herd Immunity
Holby City Hospital to be expanded
Private sector to design new ventilators
Monumental stupidity – that’s our job, not BLM protestors
We will fight it on the beaches … of Mustique
Well I’ve shaken hands with patients and I’m fine
Don’t care about deaths in care homes
Churchill – yes yes yes
Matt Hancock
Plentiful PPE on way from Turkey
Two masks for Gove – one for each face
Wales – where’s that?
Say what you like about Dom, he’s still here. When he’s not in Durham.
The easiest trade deal in the world to do
70% of our cheese comes from abroad – that is an absolute disgrace
We don’t need doctors, nurses and care workers from abroad
The sunlit uplands
MPs to vote in person
The future’s bright, the future’s orange
Vote for us, keep us in jobs, fall off a cliff
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaab
App? What’s app?
When’s Chris Grayling coming back?
We are on top of PPE – Liz Truss even has a degree in it

And many more

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Posted: Jun 17th, 2020 by

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