Boris thought Marcus Rashford was classical Roman orator


It emerged today that Boris’s surprise U-turn on food vouchers for kids during the summer holidays was based on a complete misunderstanding of who Marcus Rashford is.

Aides, who hadn’t expect Boris to care about the opinions of the Manchester United and England striker, were surprised to find him saying that the words of “the great Marcus” had changed his mind.

Tentatively asking who he meant, the aides soon realised that Boris had approached his classics degree with the same casual sloppiness as everything else in his life, and didn’t really know Cicero from his Cincinnatus or Caesar from dog food. However, he said he was fairly certain ‘Marcus’ had been an orator and statesman, quite possibly commanding the a legion in northern Britannia.

For his part, Rashford asked the assembled press corps to lend him their ears, commenting that: ‘The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones – Which in Boris’s case ain’t gonna be much.’

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2020 by

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