2020 News – This just in: EVERYTHING

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Unbelievable scenes across the world today as every single thing happened to everyone everywhere, causing widespread panic and an unprecedented amount of use of the word unprecedented.

While up until last month not quite everything had happened, tragedy struck early this morning as all other remaining things were reported including Australia sinking and a new disease which causes you to ballroom dance.

Public and commercial services were running at full capacity as the Home Secretary called upon retired nurses, coastguards, lawyers, ice cream men, and mime artists to return to work and help deal with the absolutely insane, colossal amount of batshit things that are happening.

‘I just wish we could go back the old days when it was just a simultaneous worldwide pandemic and recession’ lamented local mechanic John Harris, before spontaneously bursting into flames.

President Trump has taken controversial steps to order the national guard to shoot wildly and indiscriminately at anything until things stop happening while in the UK, Boris Johnson took a more even-handed approach to just let everything happen in hope they would stop happening by sometime next year.

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Posted: Jun 20th, 2020 by

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