On being informed of the PM’s ‘prang’ just outside the Houses of Parliament, the purple puppet-master, who’s been keeping an uncharacteristically low road profile himself of late, he alleged to have bellowed; ‘Told you, he’s just shit at everything’.
‘I aced my 60 mile fit-to-drive eye-test within two weeks – literally one minute over the required 14 days. He got coronavirus at the same time as (probably from) me, and, months later, he’s still not able to see clearly enough to run over one fat protestor’.
Reports that Boris Johnson’s accident came as a result of him trying to execute multiple U-turns are unconfirmed, but wearily inevitable. ‘Shouldn’t be surprised, he’s not fit to be left in charge of a bumper car, let alone a country. Luckily of course, we know he isn’t’.