Keir Starmer fires MP because he’s too scared to stop buying a newspaper

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The Independent newspaper has published an interview with the actress Maxine Peake, which has so outraged the Leader of the Labour Party, that he has sacked someone who had nothing to do with it. In a principled stance, Mr Starmer made it clear that he would only be giving ten interviews a week to the Independent, as opposed to the twenty he normally reserves for The Sun.

Using his experience from the Crown Prosecution Service, Keir’s ‘forensic’ mind quickly assessed the nature of the crime and ruthlessly punished everyone but the people involved. A spokesman said: ‘Keir is appalled by Maxine Peake and the editors responsible, and he has no choice but to take no action against them whatsoever.

At the heart of the controversy, is the assertion (from Amnesty International) that there is shared training between Israeli and Baltimore police; which could be considered by some as a racist trope or better still, the perfect opportunity to get rid of that ‘ghastly socialist, who keeps banging on about teacher’s unions’. On the upside, this now means that Mr. Starmer has killed more socialists than Covid-19.

The sacked Rebecca Long-Bailey may now rue her calls for party unity, as the party unifies in showing her the door. The spokesman was asked – will Keir be boycotting the newspaper that published the story? To which the flummoxed aide replied: ‘No, why would he do that?’

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2020 by

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