In a remarkable act of contortion and sophistry, The Daily Mail has taken the extraordinary step of disavowing all knowledge of Katie Hopkins, Mail Online and the whereabouts of the last horcrux. While both part of DMG Media, Mail and Mail Online are technically from the same ‘pod’, these two peas are clearly as contrasting as the Transformers franchise, a Simon Cowell haircut or any headline about immigrants.
Editor-in-chief Paul Dacre was at pains to explain that The Daily Mail and Mail Online are different entities – for a start one is ‘the Devil’s own jism’ and the other is spelt differently. Critics suggest this is an act of denial worthy of David Irving or your over-weight friend, who insists on wearing Speedos.
Sadly, when Wikipedia and your racist Gran cite The Daily Mail as ‘too unreliable’, you have to ask the question: just how far Mr. Dacre has strayed from planet Earth? Yet his spokesman insisted that the publications were qualitatively distinct, ‘much like The Olsen twins or Brexit and a kick to the groin’.
‘It’s easy to get them confused – like ‘compliment’ versus ‘complement or ‘newspaper’ versus an all-you-can-eat buffet of hate’, continued the spokesman. ‘Look, for instance, there are plenty of different brands of bottled water; they look similar but taste different – The Mail has an unmistakable smell of bitter almond.’