Florida - Underwater protests are being held this week after a number of scuba divers questioned the validity of health guidance, claiming the World Health Organisation are not experts in deep sea diving. Many deep sea enthusiasts made the difficult decision to abandon the standard and vital practice of using compressed air after siding with conservative ‘anti-maskers’, with diver Steve Merrick stating “no science lab dork is going to tell us when we should or shouldn’t breathe” and that health organisations have “no jurisdiction down here”.
Following basic health guidance such as breathing air is now being framed by many on the political right as a giving in to the liberal elite; an admission that you’re a chicken-shit snowflake willing to let the power-tripping, left wing bureaucrats strip you of your god-given freedoms. As each kind of mask is beginning to be seen as a symbol of a societal emasculation many Americans are joining the movement, with welders, fencers and bee keepers understood to be holding anti-mask events later in the week.
The leader of the anti-mask scuba diver movement could not immediately be contacted for comment, having submerged maskless some 30 minutes ago, but he’s probably fine and just enjoying exercising his constitutional freedoms. After emerging 5 hours later, the organiser refused to answer questions from waiting reporters.
Additional contribution by Vertically Challenged Giant.