Theatres to now charge £50 for tiny tubs of ice cream in bid to save industry


The nation’s theatres have come up with an ingenious plan to recoup the costs caused by the coronavirus by simply doubling the prices of the refreshments they offer.

As well as the signature interval ice creams, theatres and arts venues also plan to raise the prices of their packets of fancy crisps in weird flavours you didn’t really want but it was all they had and on any drinks served at the bar.

The spokesperson for one theatre, Ann Doddery, said: ‘In addition to this, we’ll absolutely refuse to air condition or ventilate the buildings at all, which should drive up the ice cream sales if the hot weather continues. And hopefully in the winter we can also save money by not putting the heating on and serving hot chocolate for £20 a pop.’

Other revenue-raising initiatives proposed include offering customers the chance to buy fast passes for the toilet queue during the interval as well as fancy chair cushions to enable them to see over the heads of other theatregoers.

The government has announced its support for the plans, with one minister commenting, “The theatre and arts industries are very important to us, which is why we, ourselves, decided to do nothing, but are happy to wholeheartedly give support to any independent plan that we know is unfair but that we can’t be blamed for at all.”


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Posted: Jun 29th, 2020 by

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