In a declaration affirming the need to protect the police and emergency services, Home Secretary Priti Patel, has given the ‘Dominic Cummings’ Big Day Out’ weekend festival a ringing endorsement. One of the festival’s organisers, Steve Makebelieve, welcomed Ms Patel’s statement: “The Home Sec’s quite correct, our law enforcement officers should be protected. That’s why we won’t be having any at our festival, because no laws will be broken.”
The festival will happen simultaneously across the seven Nightingale hospitals starting Saturday July 4th, the date when the government has deemed taxation revenue from public consumption of alcohol should resume. “It’s going to be thrilling!” added Steve. “Each location will have an inflatable Barnard Castle for the kids. There’ll be adventure walks where the aim is avoiding being recognised, blindfold driving games, walking on water, and anyone with a birthday will get a free picnic.
When purchasing tickets all festivalgoers had to accept a condition to act: ‘reasonably and legally'; a condition imposed by the Home Secretary to qualify for a zero police presence and criminal immunity, thus protecting officers from potentially violent, drunken, and loutish behaviour.
Steve added: “Our multi-site festival is the ideal vehicle to launch the government’s ‘Independence From Responsibility Day’, allowing a pent-up public weekend access to pubs and bars to get smashed and forget all about social distancing and Covid-19 transmission. Locating at the empty Nightingales ensures capacity usage as dormitories during the festival, and as their primary function as hospitals for months after. We love you, Dominic. You’re our best mate.”