China has identified a new flu strain that will soon have heads turning on the catwalks of Milan and stomachs churning in the bathrooms of Bognor. The new virus is destined to set hearts a flutter and temperatures racing; described as not so much the ‘new black’ as the new ‘Black Death’.
Followers of fashion are advised to throw out their old Coronavirus gowns and buy the new range of must-have PPE. Developed by G4 EA H1N1, these tasteful ensembles include a figure-hugging hazmat suit, diamond encrusted mask and your very own Versace ventilator.
Guaranteed to capture your imagination, along with your immune systems, the G4 EA H1N1 is set to sweep through Europe. Yet, not everyone is excited; said one patient: ‘I’ve just got over Covid-19 and now I’m expected to shell out for a whole new set of organs? What’s wrong with my old set of liquid-infused lungs? They still fit!’
One fashion editor described the new virus as ‘to die for’.