UK recovery to be based predominantly on bullshit


The UK’s post-covid economic recovery will be based mostly on bullshit, confirmed Boris Johnson in a rambling speech that managed to convey very little other information, despite going on for some time.

The Prime Minister’s address covered an array of topics including waffling, posturing and, most importantly for the economy, vague but positive slogans.

“Let’s take the public spirit and the good humour of the entire population, and let’s brew them together with the superhuman energy of Captain Tom, add a dash of Latin and some eccentric hair, and then hopefully somebody will fix all of these problems and people will still somehow believe I’m doing a good job of this leadership lark.” said Boris, in a rehearsal for his speech before a couple of minor tweaks were made.

Critics have pointed out that bullshit, no matter how enthusiastically it is delivered, will not ultimately replace jobs. And that all of the people who are now unemployed, after the economy suffered more than was necessary during a shambolic pandemic response, might at some point expect a modicum of substance and leadership from their Prime Minister.

The PM responded to that point by repeating “Build, build, build” over and over again, then punching the air. When pressed further for some kind of coherent response he attempted to blame the previous government, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was part of it.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2020 by

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