President of the USA and close ally of the Almighty, Donald Trump, has reacted in typically understated sociopathic fashion, to reports calling into question certain biblical events, saying they might not be wholly accurate, or even happened in the first place.
Scientists have reportedly said that they believe the entire creation process as reported in the bible, as well as the Noah and the flood stuff, is little more than fake news. They are currently investigating all biblical miracles and will report on these once results come back from the lab.
‘It’s ridiculous,’ said the President. ‘We’re on great terms with the Kingdom of Heaven. They’ve opened up their borders to allow in more Americans and this crazy, highly delusional scientific talk, could seriously damage our terrific upcoming trade deal.
Just like me, the great American people don’t listen to scientists. That’s why we drink mosquito milkshakes and inject our buttocks with bleach.
Admittedly, I have started to use a facemask, but that’s only because it makes me look like the Lone Ranger and Mike Pence like Tonto, and there’s nothing fake about that.’