I’m making it up as I go along, admits Boris


As the Prime Minister kickstarted the second wave of Corvid-19 infections by personally spitting in everyone’s pint at the weekend, there is a growing suspicion that he has been winging it; like an ill-rehearsed drama group at the Edinburgh Fringe. The only thing Boris changes more frequently, other than his safety advice, is his forwarding address every time the child support agency gets in touch.

Confutation, obfuscation and asininity – and that is just the name of his kids. The Prime Minister is sending out more mixed signals than a semaphore on a first date, with social distancing varying between 2 metres to ‘whatever you fancy’.

It has become clear that his grasp of numbers is similar to that of Carol Vorderman after twenty cans of Special Brew. Likewise, his version of seeing the ‘big picture’, just means having an Athena poster of a tennis player scratching her arse.

An aide admitted: ‘All that guff about masks, is just something he picked up from watching the Zorro’. Asked if he thought it was sensible playing fast and loose during a global pandemic, Boris replied: ‘What’s a pandemic?’

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Posted: Jul 6th, 2020 by

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