Sound technicians at the BBC have discovered alarming messages in the tapes of Boris’ Downing Street press briefings. The taped recordings, which are then digitised, regularly appear in the official audio streaming top ten charts, and are proving to be inexplicably popular with young people.
This popularity is in stark contrast to the ravings of Hancock, Raab, Patel and the business secretary bloke, whose demented ramblings have resulted in precisely zero downloads.
A spokesman for the BBC said that on the surface, Boris’ messages contain all the trademark bumbling piffle bombs, we’ve all come to know and scorn.
‘We wanted to dig a little deeper. Why are his downloads selling like hotcakes? Young people aren’t normally interested in the usual soporific political gibberish. A tape was played in reverse, and we were shocked to hear disturbing messages hidden amongst all his um’s and ah’s. Most notable were, ‘Lucifer says ignore social distancing’, ‘Satan hates scientists’, ‘May Starmer rot in hell’, and the utterly horrific, ‘Cummings is God.’
Downing Street denied there was any link between the hidden messages and the awarding of planning permission for a new circle of hell, just outside Dunstable.