Mike Ashley offers to pay tax bill with outsize Slazenger t-shirts

Sports Direct

Sports Direct owner Mike Ashley has offered to pay off his £605 million tax bill in Belgium with stock of equivalent value from his UK stores, it has been revealed today.

Details remain sketchy at this stage but the deal is thought to comprise around a billion pairs of Lonsdale trainers, some extra extra large Slazenger polo tops in a range of unusual colours, loads of Dunlop golf tees, some big bingo pens and a few of those fake plants that sing at you.

‘I can pay this off with around 1% of my stock, no worries, confirmed a buoyant Ashley today. ‘It’s a drop in the Ocean. Well, a drop in the Ocean Pacific actually coz I’ll throw in a few million pairs of their swim sandals too. Size 13 only though, in off white’.

Tax and revenue staff in Brussels as well as the wider Belgian population were thought to be excited about the opportunity to kit themselves out with some poorly fitting Donnay joggers, as well as replenishing their supplies of gum shields and comedy darts flights.

Ashley hopes to offset some of the tax bill by aggressively selling big bags for life to tax officials to take their goods away in.

‘Some of them asked about the big mugs in Sports Direct’ noted Ashley. ‘I said that it was a bit rude to refer to our shareholders in that way’,

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Posted: Jul 7th, 2020 by

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