Cooking really doesn’t get tougher than this! In a move to make the programme more competitive, Celebrity MasterChef contestants will now be eliminated from the competition by firing squad.
As the current series draws to a close, MasterChef presenter Greg Wallace has revealed that next year’s Celebrity MasterChef will feature ‘an additional twist’ in that those failing to qualify for the next round will be notified via a bullet to the head.
‘Viewers had started to doubt our signature catchphrase’, he said, ‘and, after a thorough investigation, it turns out that cooking does get tougher than this. There’s a takeaway down the road, for example, which drives its workers like a right dirty old bastard, and quite frankly makes MasterChef look like Play School.’
Applications for this once-in-a-lifetime, all-funeral-expenses-paid opportunity are now open. Former Prime Ministers and Chancellors of the Exchequer are especially encouraged to apply.