The Prime Minister has said we need to show our appreciation for the unsung heroes of lockdown, those who are profiteering from the suffering of others; such as putting James Corden in a film. Clap for the embezzlers, the gun runners and the loan sharks, all those who saw a global pandemic and then saw an opportunity to turn a fast buck.
The phrase ‘key worker’ is to be replaced with the name ‘vital crook’, and instead of an enamelled badge, they will be given actual…what do call it?…you know, that papery stuff…the things you use to buy things with…MONEY!…yes, that’s it, money. Alongside tax breaks, these racketeers will be given knighthoods and access to any virus vacines – and not the fake one that will be given to the public.
Those who had clapped for the NHS will not see their meaningless gesture go to waste, the kinetic energy from all that clapping has been siphoned off by private energy firms, delivering dividends to their shareholders. In turn, while you were out clapping, the Government nipped round the back of your house and stole your lawnmower.
Said a No.10 spokeswoman: ‘We applaud all those who have taken not given, those who have raised our rent, cut our wages and spiked our drinks. We want to give something back, to those who have already creamed off 10%. Those who have seen an evil virus destroying lives and thought – ‘I can top that’.’