Lucky Brits left gasping throughout the ongoing knobstorm will be offered welcome vouchers allowing them to breathe during August, as long as they meet a bare minimum of ‘civic duty’ conditions. The announcement comes as A&E units report a dangerous rise in hyperventilating patients suffering involuntary horrified sharp intakes of breath every time Boris Johnson… [read...]
Low income families have said that they are absolutely f*cking thrilled by Rishi Sunak’s announcement of a discount food offer. Families without even a couple of pennies to rub together will definitely be nudged to eat out every Monday to Wednesday in August on the ‘eek out to help out’ [read...]
Witnesses claim that Dylan’s expression darkened as it became clear that a song played exclusively on a tambourine, a totally percussive instrument with a limited notational range, was really pretty fucking boring. [read...]
Former minister and human discount voucher, Chris Grayling, who is expected to be appointed as chair of the Intelligence and Security Committee next week, has expressed his delight at the prospect and in particular the exciting opportunity of sending 007 to rub out some dodgy foreign terrorists, [read...]
