Food banks forced to close following government ‘eat out’ voucher scheme


Low income families have said that they are absolutely f*cking thrilled by Rishi Sunak’s announcement of a discount food offer.

Families without even a couple of pennies to rub together will definitely be nudged to eat out every Monday to Wednesday in August on the ‘eek out to help out’ scheme, Treasury bods have confirmed.

It isn’t all good news though, with reports indicating that some food banks are going to be forced to close.

‘With the government’s discount voucher scheme and a nice catchy slogan, everyone who used our food banks has switched to eating out every night, to help get the economy moving. They’re all down Nando’s spending their Universal Credit’, said a Trussell Trust spokesperson. ‘We’re going to have to shut down’.

Meanwhile, following the government’s announcement, those with loads of disposable income can look forward to indefinite subsidised slap up restaurant meals without any worry about the effects on their health.

‘I was concerned about how safe it would be eating out’, said one affluent Berkshire resident in their local trattoria. ‘But now I can get it for half price it’s definitely put my mind at ease’.


Gerontius and newsbiscuit editorial team

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2020 by

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