Bananas have attacked avocados’ claims to be uniquely capable of rapid and unpredictable ripening, claiming that their ability to turn from yellow to black in an afternoon is better than avocados changing from green and rock hard to black and mushy in as little as one day.
‘We can also be be yellow on the outside and surprisingly grim shades of brown and black within,’ said a spokesbanana. ‘And despite claiming to be avocado ‘pears’ they are really salad items that belong in the fridge draw next to the neglected celery and the beetroot nobody really likes.’
A group of other, less radical bananas have claimed they are gentle gradual ripeners, who develop a lovable speckled skin before softening, warning eaters of the dangers of early onset mushiness. Avocados have derided this so-called ‘banana split’.
In other fruit news, bunches of grapes and shiny oranges have added their voices in a campaign to restore their presence in the world of oil painting, alongside draped pheasants and copper saucepans. They have adopted the slogan ‘Still Lives Matter.’