Dam Busters dog renamed ‘Cuntface’ for movie remake

'Dam' also thought too sacrilegious; replaced by 'Dyke'

Stephen Fry, who is writing the screenplay for the remake of the classic Dam Busters movie, has announced that to avoid controversy, the name of the squadron’s dog will be changed from the ‘N-word’ to ‘Cuntface’.

It has long been considered embarrassing that the mascot of RAF 617 squadron was named using racist vernacular. The fact that the original 1955 film retained this name for the dog character has led to it scarcely, if ever, being screened in America, and plans for a long-overdue remake foundered for years on the thorny question of how to include the animal without offending viewers.

‘People are very concerned about maintaining historical integrity,’ explained Fry this morning, ‘But say what you like, you just can’t have a modern movie shown in the US with a dog called the N-word. I decided that ‘Cuntface’ had the right melange of wit and edginess, and so ‘Cuntface’ he became.’

However, Fry is already under pressure from the film’s American financiers to change one or two aspects of the story for the US audience. In a new draft by two Los Angeles based screenwriters, the movie opens with a maverick American low-ranking serviceman  inventing a new type of bomb after skimming stones with his disabled son. He struggles to get the idea past his obstinate superior and eventually has to go straight to the top where President Roosevelt interrupts a meeting with Winston Churchill and the Queen to talk to him. Fortunately the American president sees the merit of his plan and once the Queen has stopped stuttering, he gives the green light to proceed.

Tom Hanks then leads a crack unit of Flying Fortresses on the bombing mission from New Orleans with a refuelling stop at a tiny Atlantic Island. Here they dance to Glen Miller and the Beatles and are pursued by grateful local girls who go mad for gifts of gum and stockings before they launch Cruise Missiles at Baghdad and land to liberate Auschwitz from the Russians.

‘It’s a surprisingly loose interpretation of history…’ admitted Fry, ‘but I’m sure we can keep the original spirit of the film intact. The scene with Tom Hanks surfing his way across the flooded Ruhr shooting Nazi leaders is close enough…’

rickwestwell and Ironduke

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Posted: Jul 20th, 2020 by

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