Jeff Bezos ‘tired but happy’ after putting in hardest day’s work in history

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Pulling up a chair on his verandah, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos sipped on an iced tea and rested his aching limbs as he reflected on all the work he had done to earn $13 billion in one day, which analysts say is the most work anyone has ever done in a single day. ‘Reckon I’ll be dreaming of stacking shelves tonight!’ he chuckled to himself.

No-one has ever seen their wealth rise by such an amount in a single day, but Bezos insists that his newly found levels of insane wealth won’t change him. ‘Of course, I may treat myself a little,’ he said. ‘Buy a coupla extra Presidents for the mantelpiece, maybe the British health system. But I ain’t buying a big fancy house or anything! Well, not any more than the seven multi-million dollar properties I already have, that is.’

‘Folks say that if you earned $1000 a day since Columbus landed over here, you wouldn’t even have $1 billion, never mind 189. But see if you work as fast as I do, then you can earn 90,000 bucks an hour and, over 500 years with no time off, you can have my kind of money too. Course, I ain’t quite that old! so I have to work even faster,’ Bezos said with a smile. ‘Why, I do believe I’ve earned over $5000 since you started reading this article. $10,000 if you’re a slow reader like old Donald over yonder!’

Despite this lifetime of graft and drudgery, ‘Jovial’ Jeff Bezos seems content. But one subject gets him riled – his potential tax bill. “Ain’t no government laying their hands on my earnings!’ he growled. ‘What do they do for me? Just for starters, do they teach my book customers to read, provide roads for my delivery drivers to travel on, and wages to a third of the nation to buy my goods? Well… to hell with them anyways.’

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Posted: Jul 24th, 2020 by

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