In a surprising development it emerged today that former Transport Secretary and chocolate fire guard enthusiast Chris Grayling was responsible for the recent Twitter hack in which the accounts of several high profile figures were taken over and used to extort bitcoins.
The news has taken many in the IT industry by surprise. David Barnes, chief technology correspondent for The Watchtower magazine commented, ‘I for one am completely shocked. It seems all that business about giving shipping routes to companies that don’t own any ships and not being able to organise even the most rudimentary brewery based piss-up was a cunning front to obscure the fact that he is actually, one of the most technologically gifted and deviously creative brains of his generation.’
Further details are starting to emerge about Grayling’s arch criminal career. As well as being behind the twitter stunt it has also been confirmed the he is a founding member of the hacktivist group Anonymous, masterminded the Hatton Garden jewellery heist and was one of the early movers and shakers in the dark web, alongside a mysterious accomplice known only as BarnardsCastleFan71.
A spokesman for Grayling, who is now believed to be in hiding in a homosceptic B&B near Lutterworth, confirmed ‘Yes, it’s true. Chris, or The Beige Reaper as he’s known in the hacking community was behind the attack. Don’t worry though, he intends to give all the proceeds to charity. Or he will just as soon as someone finds out how exactly bitcoins actually work.’