It is 72 hours since project manager Andrew Marshall emptied the dishwasher without being asked. Hope is fading for any kind of recognition or sexual reward. Experts refer to the ‘golden hour’, after which a domestic good deed is increasingly likely to be lost forever.
‘After 72 hours, I’d say it’s almost certainly dead’ said a psychologist. ‘If he’d done something amazing – spontaneously built an extension, perhaps, or located the clitoris without the aid of diagrams – it’s possible that he’d be in for deferred praise or other rewards. Emptying the dishwasher is only a Level 3 Act of Spontaneity, so if he’s not had thanks or praise by now, I’d say a blowjob is definitely out of the question’.
Mr Marshall is philosophical about his loss. ‘That was time I could have spent examining my earwax or thinking about sheds. It’s certainly four and a half minutes I’ll never see again. I didn’t expect a standing ovation, though a little ‘thank you’ would be nice occasionally. Every year I buy her a birthday present to thank her for the little domestic stuff she does – washing, cooking, yadda yadda yadda, but when I do something domestic, what do I get in return? Next time I notice that something needs doing, maybe I’ll keep the thought to myself, see how she likes it’.
To add insult to injury, Mrs Marshall is about to indulge herself in two hours of retail therapy at Tesco doing the weekly shop, leaving her husband in charge of the children.
‘Will she thank me for two hours of unpaid babysitting? It’s doubtful’, says Mr Marshall. ‘I wish I’d held out for Anna Friel now, she’d have noticed the dishwasher. Ooh, better text her to pick up some verruca gel, I’m almost out. Save her a job later in the week, though I don’t suppose she’ll thank me for it’.