Thinking of adding a conservatory? Contemplating an extension? Fancy digging up hundreds of acres of greenbelt land and turning it into a toxic waste dump? Planning law has traditionally been quite complex, but Robert Jenrick has majestically swept away the red tape. Here’s NewsBiscuit’s cut-out-and-keep guide to planning regulations
I live in a detached house but it isn’t quite big enough. What’s allowed?
Before Jenrick (BJ) you could add an extension as long as it was no more than 50% of the land area of the house and there were no objections. Now you can build upwards until you find that giant with the golden hen
I own a large field. What can I do with it?
Are you a billionaire who enjoys food? Pop along to a Conservative Party fundraising dinner and see if they put you next to the Minister for Housing. He’s the bod who decides whether those pesky planning appeals should be taken literally. Explain what you’d like to do with the field – maybe it’s greenbelt land and you’d like to build a few thousand houses. Ideally, bring along a professionally-edited video and show it to the Minister while you’re waiting for the dessert to arrive.
I just want to concrete over every blade of grass until Britain is a desolate wasteland filled with fetid, stinking hellholes of Lego houses
Vote Conservative. We want to conserve Britain’s heritage by protectively covering it with concrete. This way, it will be there for future generations – just as soon as they can demolish the crap we’ll build over the next few years.