Following the global runaway success of the daily Boris briefings, Downing St has been looking for a professional presenter to take it to the next level.
Recruitment ads were placed across the media with 100,000 people applying, 98% of whom were furloughed workers from the doomed office, tourism and retail sectors. However, it appears that Downing St ditched the usual Zoom interview protocol and headhunted its own preferred candidates.
A spokesman said that they were looking for lashings of zing, oomph and pizzazz.
‘There’s no point bringing in Linda from ladies separates, a disgruntled airline pilot, or an expert in information flows and data structures if they can’t perform on the world stage. Wiley and Katie certainly have the x-factor and seem to be the perfect candidates. They’ve promised to dial down all the unpleasantness to Jewish people and the racial hatred bits and bobs, so what’s not to like?’