The iconic shopping guide is to make way for a much weightier tome, covering the Prime Minister’s failings, both large and small – but mainly large. The new catalogue will still be laminated, as chapters 7-16 cover Mr. Johnson’s spaffing and haphazard reproduction.
Instead of planning your Christmas shop, voters will be able select from a variety of classic Boris blunders to enjoy; be it killing off a chunk of the population or the slightly more horrific image of him being stuck on a zipwire.
Explained one store manager: ‘Firstly you can choose from a myriad of mistakes, ranging from A-Z – and all of them racist. Once you’ve found a real calamity, then you take the little blue pen and poke out your own eyes. Better that, than see what Boris does next’.
Shoppers will still need to go instore to pick up their Prime Ministerial cock-up, but Argos is confident you will not have to queue.