Buckingham Palace officials have assured the public that the Queen is “not dead” after her LinkedIn profile suddenly disappeared yesterday. It has been confirmed that the ceremony was performed by the Deleter of Profiles to the Queen. The Archbishop of Canterbury is not believed to have been present. But unfortunately for Charles, sources close to Her Majesty have given an assurance that she is “not doing an Edward VIII any time soon”.
Queen Elizabeth’s was one of the most viewed pages on the networking site, despite the fact that her sole qualification was “being born a Windsor”. But a palace spokesman says she doesn’t need to hustle for work on LinkedIn, as “there’s no better gig than being being HM E II”
However, a LinkedIn spokesperson has insisted that it’s just a matter of the company weeding out suspected fake profiles. “We’re on the lookout for people who use euphemisms to cover up long stretches of unemployment or imprisonment”, he said. “Frankly, we were suspicious of Elizabeth Windsor from the start. I mean, who lists their sole occupation from 1952 to 2020 as ‘appearing on banknotes’?”