Friends and family of Mick Tyler (24) were left devastated by the news that he is virtually certain to fall to his death – sometime in the foreseeable future, ninety minutes after Happy Hour starts in his Spanish holiday hotel. Given the inevitable nature of his package-holiday misadventure, they decided it was best to hold a memorial service in the departure lounge at Gatwick.
Mick’s father spoke at the event, reflecting on the predictable turn of events, given that rum and coke is going be 75% off. A doctor commented that there will be nothing anyone will be able to do, as Mick was terminally stupid.
Spanish authorities are so used to British holidaymakers hurling themselves to their death, that they have replaced suicide nets with trampolines. While Locals often set their watches by it and time their siesta in between the thud of bodies.
Mourners had the unique chance to bid farewell to the soon to be deceased, while advising him to watch out for food poisoning and getting sun burnt. Unperturbed to attend the service himself, Mick decided he could reach the hall by jumping from the upstairs balcony of the pub across the street. Tragically he didn’t make it, but his mates said ‘That was classic Mick, and praised him for being up for a laugh.’