China says it will defend its interests after the international community rejected its territorial claims to the moon.
Despite mainstream acceptance that the first Chinese crewed mission to space happened in 2003, Chinese Astrophysics expert and government stooge Xin Wong disagrees. “It’s common knowledge that the Shunzhi Emperor in the Qing Dynasty successfully sent two pandas Meng Meng and Bao Bao to the moon in 1654. We therefore claim sovereignty over every bit of land that these two symbols of China didn’t shag on, which of course being pandas is the whole moon”.
Professor John Tsang, author of ‘Crazy Shit the Chinese Made Up’, says the Communist Government have become tired with issues in Xinjiang and the South China Sea. “On Earth foreign countries can monitor what’s going on in these provinces”, he said. “But now China owns the moon they can just fly the uighurs up there”.
As well as re-education camps it’s understood Xi JinPing also plans to open an Olympics training camp on the lunar surface as, despite deadly gases including sodium and potassium, the atmosphere is thought to be a million times healthier than the skies of Beijing.