Signs you are in a disaster movie


The cleverest people have been gathered to work on one project
Instead of mansions, the rich are building and moving into massive ugly concrete bunkers
Most people on the planet have been addressed by their leaders and told to stay inside
There have been reports of immense swarms of insects
Infrastructure has been collapsing or exploding
World leaders have ignored the warnings and advice of eminent scientists
Luxury yachts are ominously anchored off shore
People have been captivated by footage of a mushroom cloud on the news
The wealthiest are showing an unhealthy interest in space
It’s 20 degrees hotter today than it should be
The Chief Scientist/Cop has dropped their family off at what turns out to be the epicentre of the disaster
You can’t find bog rolls to buy anywhere
There are strange lights in the sky
The bees have mysteriously disappeared, as have the dolphins
The internet has gone a little strange
Children with blond hair have started appearing everywhere
An honourable scientist / journalist tries to warn the authorities, but they treat him like an idiot
Your vision is impaired by Shaky Cam
There is a Volcano/Dam nearby – it WILL erupt/collapse
Everyone around you is really famous and will therefore die any second
Your dog is a motherfucking hero
The laws of physics have been abandoned and you refuse to listen to any experts
You listen solemnly to the President of the USA making a speech
Now and again you switch channels to view mass religious hysteria and total chaos worldwide
You are surprised to find that New York is completely destroyed
You are reluctantly joined by a beautiful kick-ass woman technical expert, who doesn’t like you at first. However, once you have saved the world together, you will be up to your apricots, so don’t worry.
Your father will at last overcome his masculinity and admit he loves you.
You complain to your MP that men in uniforms spend a lot of time on the phone
There may be sharks
Smash & grab looters everywhere (but considerately leave the TVs, which people then watch mesmerised)
Everything’s really LOUD
Or really quiet
You’re in a panicking crowd running for your life carrying a small child
Some blind kid suddenly has the answer to everything
Your crumbling marriage is saved by impending apocalypse
Scientists have created a harmless mini black hole in their laboratory
Trump has 30 red buttons put on his desk, for Diet-Coke, Burgers, prostitutes, Fries, blackened Steak, KFC, pizza – to match the 3 nuclear buttons already there
STILL no-one seems to need to go to the loo
Bruce Willis appears from nowhere, barefoot.
The Authorities start to heed the flood of unsolicited advice from satirical websites.
You have a difficult relationship with your teenage son/daughter……but don’t worry, your kid may have dropped out of school…..but this hasn’t stopped them becoming a computer/maths/science genius….something they say in the heat of yet another argument inspires you to find the answer that has defeated the worlds top boffins for years….the disaster brings you closer together and by the end of the movie all your differences are resolved and you are the perfect family.
It’s 2020.



(Hattips: Al O’Pecia, Sinnick, Deceangli, oshaughnessy, Titus, Gerontius, Oxbridge, Filthy Rich & Wrenfoe)

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2020 by

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