Despite their criminal oversight of explosive material in the Port of Beirut, Lebanese officials have been designated as too reliable to supply the NHS. Instead, PPE contracts will continue to be given to firms that can guarantee failure, rather than simply storing their face masks next to 2,750 tonnes of ammonium nitrate.
The displacement of hundreds of thousands of Lebanese people does not match the incompetence levels required for UK procurement. One Conservative Minister asked: ‘Alright, you failed to organise a piss up in a brewery and then the brewery blows up – but are you really bad enough for us?’
A member of the Lebanese judiciary said: ‘Obviously we’re disappointed, we’d done our best to make a mess of everything. But even we could not have supplied so many inadequate masks in so short a time’. Instead, the UK will continue to squander millions with venture capitalists, who have less experience of making a mask that covers your mouth, than Zorro.
Said one member of the Red Crescent Movement, standing in the rubble of Beirut: ‘We’ve now seen the devastating impact of a criminally-negligent regime, which is riddled with both corruption and cronyism. But that’s Boris Johnson for you’.