Economists and the financial press have been gobsmacked as reports have slowly begun to filter through of ‘somewhat less than positive recent growth in the prosperity and general economic wellbeing of the United Kingdom’ following months of lockdown, closed shops and a house-bound workforce.
‘We are utterly baffled by this mysterious downturn’ said one highly-paid economic consultant. ‘Just because businesses have ceased to operate, their workforce to earn any money and most of the population prevented from travelling anywhere or even going out at all, even to the pub, chip-shop or doctor’s surgery, the whole economic system of the country seems to have slowed down slightly in its rate of growth.’
‘Someone needs to look into this phenomenon – preferably me or one of my fellow specialist advisors. For the usual fees, of course – and, needless to say, we’ll need to this remotely, from our own homes.’