‘We’ve missed you’ says mainstream chain that just wants your money


A highstreet department store is displaying ‘Welcome back, we’ve missed you’ signs despite staff admitting they don’t give a sh*t.

Retail giant HooBoo, headquartered in Luxembourg to benevolently avoid taxes, reopened to customers last week.

‘Not once in the last 3 months, have I wanted a catch up with any of the brain-dead zombies that shop here,’ said store manager Kevin Philips.

‘It’s similar to the clap-trap we put up when we closed,’ continued Philips. ‘Saying the safety of staff and customers was the reason, not the fact the company was haemorrhaging money’.

Social media manager Sally Richardson agreed: ‘Customers are scum. If we told the truth the signs would say – Give us your money and f*ck off. I tell them as much myself, but limit the abuse to direct messages on twitter’.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2020 by

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