National Trust denies dumbing down with organised dog fighting

Nat

The National Trust has thrown open its doors to welcome working class visitors, having carefully removed all the antique silver and porcelain plates. New signs have been erected encouraging people to pee in historic stairwells and draw moustaches on 18th century oil paintings. The Trust is adapting its stately homes to create a more welcoming atmosphere for the great unwashed.

A spokesperson for the Trust said: ‘Letting working class people into our stately homes has been a jolly interesting experience. Our café menus were adapted to include chips, pigeon feathers, vomit, and beer. But to our surprise most of them actually asked for tea and sandwiches. Who knew?’

An army of Trust volunteers has been busy stripping mattresses from four poster beds and throwing them into gardens where they can be best appreciated by the hoi polloi. From now until October all guide dogs will be permitted to shit anywhere they want. Tour guides will also turn a blind eye to class A drugs if they’re for personal use only.

Capitalising on the success of Downton Abbey, the Trust is encouraging its working class guests to work a twelve hour day emptying his lordship’s potty, cleaning out fireplaces, baking grouse pie, and giving birth to illegitimate children.

Ticket prices have been reduced to £370 for a limited time only.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2020 by

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