Scottish 70% less likely to want Covid-19 than the English

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Studies suggest that the Scottish Government is actively trying to stop the spread of Coronavirus, despite evidence from England that death by respiratory illness is good for you. This cowardly behaviour of the SNP just goes to show how unaffordable Scottish Independence would be, if everyone lived longer.

Your average English schoolkid is anti-mask, anti-vac and anti-dandruff; said one: ‘I go to school to spread infection, not knowledge’. Whereas one Scottish teenager reasoned: ‘Why shouldn’t I wear a mask, all my favourite movie characters wear them and it’s a perfect disguise for acne’.

Scotland is cautiously reopening schools with a variety of safety measures, not least of which is wearing a kilt over your head. While in England the campaign slogans are ‘Hugs are what keeps Granny safe’, ‘Handwashing is for terrorists’ and ‘Do something amazing, lick a school kid’.

Concerns have been raised that Scotland is now undermining the United Kingdom or ‘suicide pact’ as the World Health Organisation calls it. Explained a Scottish Health Official: ‘We’re often criticised as an unhealthy nation with a poor diet but only the English are demanding deep-fried Covid-19, with extra chips. The difference between haggis and Boris Johnson’s policy, is one is unpalatable offal and the other is haggis’.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2020 by

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