in a surprisingly candid admission of failings, the government has launched a crackdown on cronyism and protectionism, by holding to account those truly responsible for the major cockups of the current administration.
Parents are rejoicing that multiple errors by Gavin Williamson, including repeated failures to get children safely back to class, the exam results debacle, and the humiliating U-turn on masks in schools, have finally resulted in Jonathon Slater, the chief civil servant at the DoE with nearly twenty years exemplary service behind him, being peremptorily sacked instead.
Accused of causing unnecessary coronavirus deaths by delayed action and inadequate testing, Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock have commendably taken joint responsibility, decisively firing Terry Fisher, a night porter at St. Thomas’s hospital, who is coincidentally believed to have irritated Mr Johnson by pairing brown shoes with black socks on his 20-hour double shifts.
Early indications of this bold new direction could be glimpsed when the fallout from the Windrush scandal resulted in the swift dismissal of Theresa May’s former hairdresser, followed more recently by the firing of the pet shop owner paid to smuggle in guinea pigs for Priti Patel to stamp on.
Warming to their accountability crusade, codenamed Operation Colt Seavers, Cabinet Secretary Mark Sedwill was sacked with the simple statement ‘Because Michael Gove’. In the last few hours, three window cleaners who used to cover Grenfell tower have been told to expect their P45s, signed ‘Jacob Rees Mogg: reckon that’ll sort it?’
With the triumphant Brexit negotiations plummeting inexorably towards no deal, thanks to the superlative skills of David Frost and Dominic Raab, Doris Wendell, tea-lady at the Foreign office, is already warning her kids that Christmas presents might be a bit thin on the ground this year, although mummy will at least be home more.