Briefly pausing his celebrations for Driving America into the Ground Again, the premier Hotelier of the United States, Donald Trump, has offered assistance to the 1.5 million people predicted to be displaced by Hurricane Laura in characteristically altruistic and humanitarian fashion.
Following on from his promise to build an 80 yard fence across a small vegetable patch between Mexico and the US, his success in building healthy trade with China, his outstanding achievement in pacifying the nuclear powers of North Korea and Iran, and his subtle federal assistance in damping the wildfires devastating the Democratic State of California, Trump has promised that no-one will be left homeless by the oncoming storm, assuming they’re white.
The bottom feeder of the free world has guaranteed to exceed the achievements of former president George W Bush in his handling of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, where many people were left homeless for only 10 years, by making sure everyone today has the opportunity to sleep with a roof over their heads. Sometime.
So, as a considerable concession, The President has offered access to a Trump hotel of their choice at the heavily discounted rate of only $900 per night, meals & tips not included, with a $5 gift voucher for anyone wearing a MAGA cap in the hotel’s boutique.
In a further benevolent gesture, guests traumatised by seeing their entire home and possessions swept away will only face a nominal $200 surcharge for not wearing the appropriate dress shoes.
hat-tips to Filthy Rich and oshaughnessy