Johnson flees secret hideout and now rumoured to be in Westminster

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It’s been reported this morning Boris Johnson has fled his secret hideout and is now rumoured to be in the Westminster area for the first time in over two months.

The as yet unconfirmed sighting has sent political commentators into a spin, and photographers have been seen fighting one another to bag prime spots to set up their stepladders, in case Mr Johnson decides to face the cameras in an environment other than a stage-managed and bumbling spineless address to the nation.

Sources close the PM, who has been personally marshalling the battle against the pandemic in recent weeks, by modelling several ranges of pristine hi-viz clothing, are now suggesting he may be thinking about actually doing something vaguely practical, other than just spout jingoistic drivel about World War 2 and the indomitable British bulldog spirit.

One unnamed junior minister speaking off the record commented: ‘Perhaps expecting Boris to actually do anything other than change policy every other hour, as he’s blown by the winds of tabloid opinion columnists, is indeed fanciful.’

‘But you know, just so long as he keeps bringing up the Empire and so on, it will distract all those idiots who voted for us from realising what a total and monumental bollocks we’ve made of this whole damn Covid business.’

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2020 by

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