Office workers saving £££s working from home tell Boris to stick it up his ar$e


Millions of people who used to spend their working week at inconveniently located offices have made it abundantly clear that a work-shy cock-up machine isn’t going to tell them to do unjustifiable twaddle any more.

The outrageous cost of commuting, overpriced coffees and lunches, and maintaining a wardrobe of the latest designer work fashions, all leave the average office worker with little disposable income. But working from home cuts out all of that squandered expenditure, saving thousands over the course of a year. Plus, it’s eye-poppingly better for the local environment, the structure of society, and the planet as a whole.

Sarah Robson, who would normally work in London’s Square Mile said, “Feeling obliged to attend social events with colleagues you can’t stand spending more than a minute with than you absolutely have to, was always will-zapping. You’d do your water cooler duty, and then some nitwit would let slip it’s Sandra’s birthday, and that’s another evening lost to the black hole of time suckage. And then the final twist of the blade was having to fork out for disgustingly overpriced drinks at All Bar One for nob-heads you secretly loathed. Team-destroying I used to call it. I just don’t get why the Prime Minister is being such a total wanker about it.”

Dave Wilson added, “This Covid shitshow had one sliver of a silver lining. Working from home, the economics of it all suddenly became apparent to me. The way things were before kept me trapped in a cycle of working to spend to work that I just couldn’t break. But now I’ve had a glimpse of what working from home is really like, it all makes sense now. It might be better to go into the office to keep the leaches of the City in fancy status symbols, but it’s total pants for the rest of us. Now I’ve managed to save thousands, and I’m well on the way to a deposit for my own place. Boris Johnson can kiss my hairy plums.”

Claire Hinde concluded, “If only management had admitted that the real reason they wanted people in the office all along was to grope the ones they fancied and bully the others like they were still at school. Boris and his playground chums just kept this sick lie afloat all along to get away with fondling infeasible hunnies like me. But now I’ve saved enough to sue the sodding lot of them.”

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2020 by

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